This past year has been one of the worst years of my life and one that I’ve learned the greatest lessons.
Healing from Grief is an individual experience.
There were times I didn’t want to get out of bed and times I just didn’t know who I was. I would look in the mirror and see myself, but didn’t feel like myself.
I would encourage and minister to others and have to take those same words and encourage myself.
So many tears…..so much pain this year.
I grieved the loss of so many things – People,Places & Things. Things I lost and things I never had. Someone said “you can’t miss what you never had.” But that’s a lie.
Let me explain.
If you know you were supposed to have a father in your life but never did; you miss something you know you were supposed to have. When you see your friends with their father, you miss your own.
In August my mother went on to be with the Lord. She had a massive heart attack right in front of me. She passed out and never came back. This video in my head plays over and over in my head. What could I have done different? What should I’ve done different? If I was back just 5 minutes earlier…
So often people put a time frame on grief.
“You have 30 days to grieve and then I want you back to normal.”
At times I want to scream, ” Please give me time to HEAL ! “
Just like we look different; we heal and feel different. What works for you may not work for me.
A few weeks ago in prayer, I heard, “Go back to the beginning. Go back to the 1st work”
What Helped Me
In the midst of my slump, I had to be reminded of my purpose, so that I didn’t sink further. God has much for me to do and purpose has not been completed in me.
Sometimes you have to go back to the reason you do the things you do. Why you wrote that book? Why does your heart go out to those in need? Why you birthed that ministry?
In the Beginning
Our theme / foundation has always been centered around the butterfly. Our logo was specifically created because of the cycle of the butterfly. “Just when the caterpillar thought its life was over, it became a butterfly.”
I’m a butterfly. I’ve been at every stage / cycle of the butterfly process, but the one I find myself in over and over again is stage 3.
During the caterpillar stage, butterflies can travel long distances in search of an ideal place to pupate. The insect undergoes lots of changes during this stage. Although on the outside, there is almost no physical activity.
Stage 3 is also when it attaches itself upside down to a twig and sheds the tough flexible shell or case. This is called Pupa or Chrysalis. The pupa does not feed and does not appear to be alive, but inside the shell a transformation occurs, larval structures are broken down and reformed into an adult butterfly.
I can’t give up and neither can you. We must complete the work that God has started in us, despite what’s going on around us.
Don’t let go because you feel and look “hopeless” right now.You may even feel like you’re in a dead situation and feel lifeless, just like the pupa stage of the butterfly. Please know that something is taking place on the inside; transformation is happening in and through you. It’s just not visible right now.
Hang on…. Your cycle (stage) is about to change… You are my beautiful butterfly sister.
Fly my sister FLY!!!
I love meeting fellow butterfly sisters….
Can you identify with the butterfly cycle? I’d love to hear from you.