Nicole Cleveland and Breathe Again Magazine

Tag: restored marriage

  • Lord, Increase the Love & Laughter

     

     

     

     

    My husband and I laugh a lot. It is part of the fabric of our relationship. We have been through too much not to. Those that know us always say we should have our own show. ( yes, it’s that serious )

    “Lord, increase the Love and Laughter.”

    This is one of the prayers we prayed when the Lord restored our marriage.

    We prayed this prayer each and everyday. ( and we still do )

    Sounds like a strange request when we had a great deal of serious issues to overcome.

    If you’re always laughing it’s kind of hard to be fighting all the time. If you’re  laughing ,it’s kind of hard to be depressed and sad. We understood that.

    I hate fighting with my husband and he hates fighting with me. It’s like my friend won’t talk to me and that hurts. He is my friend and I am his. ( at times we think I’m his only friend because he is so selective when it comes to people ) We still have our issues but we always come back to one another laughing. One of us does something silly and we end up laughing about it.

    When I look back over our relationship there is a great deal of pain. Pain we don’t want to ever relive.
    We lost time that can never be replaced.

    “Time is more valuable than money.You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.” – Jim Rohn

    Life is too short to not be happy. Don’t waste time fighting with one another.

    Live, Love and Laugh!

    Ask the Lord to increase the love and laughter in your marriage or relationship. Trust me, it works!

     

     

  • Did I Want to Kill Him?

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    Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Google Images

    I get this question an awful lot when doing interviews and when talking to women.

    Of course I was angry. Who wouldn’t be.It’s the ultimate betrayal.

    There are stages in this infidelity cycle. Like a butterfly must go through stages,overcoming infidelity is in stages, well at least it was for me.

    Investigator Stage – Charlies Angels comes to mind and I write an entire chapter in my book, “So He Cheated Now What?” about this. You are snooping through phone records, checking messages, following him ( yes, i did ) and anything else to find out who,what and when. Make sure to ask yourself, can you handle what you may find. If not, stop searching.

    Anger Stage – This is when you want to get even. You want nothing but bad things to happen to him. They  hurt you and you want blood. You want them to feel the pain you are feeling.  I don’t care how nice and sanctified you may be, anger creeps in. It might not be for long, but it will arrive.  It’s okay to get angry, you are human. Just don’t do anything irrational or illegal. Murder is still against the law

    Hurt Stage – You can go from anger to hurt within days, sometimes hours. At times I would go back and fourth. One day I was angry and the next I couldn’t stop crying.  The pain I felt was a pain that was unexplainable. I literally could feel my heart hurt.( as strange as that may sound ) Link up with someone that understands what you are going through. Do not go at it alone. You can go from hurt to depressed quickly. Talk to someone.

    Pity Party Stage – “It’s My Party & I’ll Cry If I Want To !” I want to have my pity party. “Look what he did to me.” You feel sorry for yourself and expect others to feel sorry for you to. Yes, they left or cheated. It is what it is. Do not stay at this stage long. Have your party and keep it moving. You have a right to at least one.

    Get It Together Stage – After you have joined Law & Order (investigator ) , taken him off of the insurance and made a scene at his job (anger ). You stayed in the fetal position in your bed for 2 weeks (hurt ) and  thrown a party ( pity party ). Now it is time to shake it off and do you. ( get it together )

    You are fearfully and wonderfully made and it’s their loss not yours. In this stage you realize your worth and who you are.

    You discover you can not change anyone but yourself and now you must begin to Breathe Again – Dream Again and most important – LIVE  AGAIN !!!

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    Nicole Cleveland is the author of “So He Cheated, Now What?” her personal story of overcoming an affair in her marriage. An affair that produced a child. She is the founder of Breathe Again Magazine, ( www.breatheagainmagazine.org ) an online inspirational magazine for women and men that have overcome adversity.  She is an encourager and motivator. She and her husband teach couples how to rebuild,restore and increase the love in their relationship. Visit www.whyshouldistay.com

  • Should Maria Shriver Leave Arnold Schwarzenegger?

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    Should she leave or stay?


    Nicole – What do you think Maria Shriver should do?

    Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiki Barber, Tiger Woods, Jesse James , John Edwards, Zachary Tims, Marcus Lamb and the list goes on and on. These are individuals that allowed infidelity to creep in their marriages. Whether they allowed it to sneak in or they just “wanted  to do it ” is a non-issue. It happened now it needs to be dealt with.  Temptation presented itself and these individuals made the choice to say “YES, I want it!”

    It bothers me when individuals say, “it just happened.” Nothing just happens. A person has to think about it at one point or another. After the kiss, after that seductive “look” or the licking of the lips, there is a moment to go the other way or just RUN!  It’s a choice. Whether we believe it to be a good one or a bad one, it is their choice. No one puts a gun to their head and forces sex upon them. They did it! They wanted to do it.

    Because I wrote the book, “So He Cheated, Now What? “ I ‘m always presented with the question,” what should the wife do?” when a high profile couple gets caught. I say gets caught because most individuals don’t come clean and just spill the beans. There are circumstances that lead to the secret being revealed.

    This is my response:

    Each person’s situation is different. My choice was to stay. But that was clearly, my choice. It was my right. I cringe each time I hear so called experts say what they believe the wife should do.

    “take him for everything he’s got “, “divorce his cheating^%*”, “think about the kids”

    It’s easy to say what someone thinks someone else should do with their life. They don’t have to make the decision or live with it.  My heart goes out to Maria and all the Maria’s and Nicole’s out there.

    She is not the first and she won’t be the last. But this is the problem -no matter how many people go through it, when the woman finds out about the infidelity they believe that no one knows how they feel – they think they’re alone.  (even though we know in the back of our minds that this is not true)

    Maria‘s situation is so public. She had no time to process it. Everyone and their cousin are in her business.  Their kids have to ride the wave of shame and embarrassment out in the open. They are tweeting about it and Maria was recently on Oprah celebrating Oprah’s success while her marriage is in shambles. She has to smile, wave and make like all is well, when clearly it is not. My prayer is that she and her family do what is best for them, not the public. I want her to know that she is not alone. Like her situation, a baby was born from the affair my husband had. I knew about the baby in the beginning but that doesn’t matter. Pain is pain and that’s a hurt that’s just unexplainable. I cannot begin to put it into words. In the beginning it feels like your world is caving in and you just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Whether rich or poor, her zip code or my zip code, we all hurt. As women we love hard, but we hurt harder.

    My husband may not be “The Terminator” but his actions and bad choices almost terminated our marriage. God restored our marriage. If he did it for us, he can do it for anyone. But my situation is different; it does not always end like this.

    To all my “Marias” out there – Stand strong and do what is best for you. After you get done yelling, screaming and crying, make sure to Breathe Again…. Laugh Again….Dream  Again and most important – LIVE AGAIN !

    I Love all my “Marias “– You can make it!!

    Nicole Cleveland is the author of “So He Cheated, Now What?” her personal story of overcoming an affair in her marriage. An affair that produced a child. She is the founder of Breathe Again Magazine, ( www.breatheagainmagazine.org ) an online inspirational magazine for women and men that have overcome adversity.  She is an encourager and motivator. She and her husband teach couples how to rebuild,restore and increase the love in their relationship. Visit www.whyshouldistay.com