Nicole Cleveland and Breathe Again Magazine

Tag: marriage

  • Lord, Increase the Love & Laughter

     

     

     

     

    My husband and I laugh a lot. It is part of the fabric of our relationship. We have been through too much not to. Those that know us always say we should have our own show. ( yes, it’s that serious )

    “Lord, increase the Love and Laughter.”

    This is one of the prayers we prayed when the Lord restored our marriage.

    We prayed this prayer each and everyday. ( and we still do )

    Sounds like a strange request when we had a great deal of serious issues to overcome.

    If you’re always laughing it’s kind of hard to be fighting all the time. If you’re  laughing ,it’s kind of hard to be depressed and sad. We understood that.

    I hate fighting with my husband and he hates fighting with me. It’s like my friend won’t talk to me and that hurts. He is my friend and I am his. ( at times we think I’m his only friend because he is so selective when it comes to people ) We still have our issues but we always come back to one another laughing. One of us does something silly and we end up laughing about it.

    When I look back over our relationship there is a great deal of pain. Pain we don’t want to ever relive.
    We lost time that can never be replaced.

    “Time is more valuable than money.You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.” – Jim Rohn

    Life is too short to not be happy. Don’t waste time fighting with one another.

    Live, Love and Laugh!

    Ask the Lord to increase the love and laughter in your marriage or relationship. Trust me, it works!

     

     

  • Dear Nicole – “My Husband Won’t Talk About What Happened”

     
     
     
     

Have a question? Email nicoleconline@gmail.com
     
    Dear Nicole,
    My husband cheated, I forgave him but
    he won’t talk about what happened and why.
    He said, “just get over it”.I can’t just
    get over it. I’m still hurting.
                      Signed – Help!
     
    *********************************
    Dear Help,
     
    I can’t tell you how many times I get this question from women
    still dealing with the aftermath of infidelity.Overcoming an affair is a process and
    dealing with the “Why?” is the most difficult part. Some get to this point and stay stuck.
     
    “he won’t talk about it”
    It is extremely hard for the man to open up not knowing what your reaction will be.
    One thing we do know is that it won’t be a fun or happy conversation, but it must be done to move forward.There will be tears and hopefully grace and forgiveness. Look at this as part of the healing process, which it is.
    When this conversation takes place, please don’t become defensive and argumentative because once you do, that
    may make your spouse shut down. At first, I became defensive but that was a train wreck. My husband shut down
    and it took days for him to open back up.
     
    Explain to your spouse how important this conversation is to you for the sake of your
    marriage and healing process. Pray about it and allow God to work it out.
    Once he does open up, I can almost bet you won’t like the reasons for the affair. But it is what it is. If you decided to
    forgive and move forward, do just that.
     

  • Did I Want to Kill Him?

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    Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Google Images

    I get this question an awful lot when doing interviews and when talking to women.

    Of course I was angry. Who wouldn’t be.It’s the ultimate betrayal.

    There are stages in this infidelity cycle. Like a butterfly must go through stages,overcoming infidelity is in stages, well at least it was for me.

    Investigator Stage – Charlies Angels comes to mind and I write an entire chapter in my book, “So He Cheated Now What?” about this. You are snooping through phone records, checking messages, following him ( yes, i did ) and anything else to find out who,what and when. Make sure to ask yourself, can you handle what you may find. If not, stop searching.

    Anger Stage – This is when you want to get even. You want nothing but bad things to happen to him. They  hurt you and you want blood. You want them to feel the pain you are feeling.  I don’t care how nice and sanctified you may be, anger creeps in. It might not be for long, but it will arrive.  It’s okay to get angry, you are human. Just don’t do anything irrational or illegal. Murder is still against the law

    Hurt Stage – You can go from anger to hurt within days, sometimes hours. At times I would go back and fourth. One day I was angry and the next I couldn’t stop crying.  The pain I felt was a pain that was unexplainable. I literally could feel my heart hurt.( as strange as that may sound ) Link up with someone that understands what you are going through. Do not go at it alone. You can go from hurt to depressed quickly. Talk to someone.

    Pity Party Stage – “It’s My Party & I’ll Cry If I Want To !” I want to have my pity party. “Look what he did to me.” You feel sorry for yourself and expect others to feel sorry for you to. Yes, they left or cheated. It is what it is. Do not stay at this stage long. Have your party and keep it moving. You have a right to at least one.

    Get It Together Stage – After you have joined Law & Order (investigator ) , taken him off of the insurance and made a scene at his job (anger ). You stayed in the fetal position in your bed for 2 weeks (hurt ) and  thrown a party ( pity party ). Now it is time to shake it off and do you. ( get it together )

    You are fearfully and wonderfully made and it’s their loss not yours. In this stage you realize your worth and who you are.

    You discover you can not change anyone but yourself and now you must begin to Breathe Again – Dream Again and most important – LIVE  AGAIN !!!

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    Nicole Cleveland is the author of “So He Cheated, Now What?” her personal story of overcoming an affair in her marriage. An affair that produced a child. She is the founder of Breathe Again Magazine, ( www.breatheagainmagazine.org ) an online inspirational magazine for women and men that have overcome adversity.  She is an encourager and motivator. She and her husband teach couples how to rebuild,restore and increase the love in their relationship. Visit www.whyshouldistay.com