Nicole Cleveland and Breathe Again Magazine

Tag: marriage infidelity

  • Do I Stay in My Marriage After an Affair?

    Let me start by saying your Christian Marriage can be saved. It is a decision the both of you must make. You cannot save your marriage after an affair alone. Your spouse must be in agreement and willing to go through the process. In my last post, Healing After an Affair I shared 5 steps to assist you with your healing process.

    When conducting workshops or coaching, I always say, “Taking my husband back was the easy part, rebuilding the trust was very hard.” Back then, I wish I had someone that understood what I was feeling and could encourage me by sharing their victorious testimony on how the Lord restored their marriage after an affair.

    Women that want to stay in their marriage after an affair need help from people like myself. I understand what it feels like to have your heart broken by the one you love. I know what it feels like to want to throw in the towel and give up. I know what it feels like to cry a river. Support from your friends and family is a blessing, but to interact with a person that has been where you are is priceless.

    The decision to stay with your spouse is one that only you can make. I encourage you to shut out the noise around you. By noise I mean people in your ear. These are family and friends that mean well, but can be a hindrance during the process.  The choice is yours. Take some time and answer the questions below.

    1. Do you love him /her?
    2. How many years have you invested in your marriage?
    3. Have you forgiven him?
    4. Are you willing to fight for your marriage?
    5. Have you asked him/ her all the questions you need to know?
    6. Do you agree not to throw the affair up in his / her face during arguments?

    The decision to stay in your marriage after an affair is a major choice. Take your time, seek the Lord and pray about it. If you allow the process to work and the Lord to heal, you will be able to go back and help that next sister that will cry the same tears you’ve cried. Your testimony is not for you, it is for someone else. Be strong and stay encouraged. I made it and so WILL you!

    To read my full testimony on how I overcame an affair in my marriage purchase,  “So He Cheated, Now What?”

  • Healing After an Affair

    Will I ever heal? … I’m so angry….I feel so alone…What’s wrong with me?

    Those are a few words  I hear each week from women that are in the process of healing after an affair. Words that are not foreign to me, but words that came out of my mouth for a long time.

    How this could happen to me was at the top?

    I was so embarrassed and consumed with what others thought I could not heal.

    After all, we were in the church when the affair occurred. “Things like this should not happen while serving God”, I thought over and over again.

    Today I sing a very different song. Things like this happen, in the church and out of the church

    If you are trying to heal after infidelity  I want you to first know that it is possible. You will stop crying and you will get over it . “This Too Shall Pass”. Hear those words and repeat them to yourself. “This Too Shall Pass”.

    Below are 5 steps to start you or help you on your road to healing after an affair.

    1. Take it one hour at a time – Forget one day at a time, you may have to take it hour by hour, minute by minute and second by second.
    2. Don’t compare your situation with others. – This is dangerous. We are all different and we heal differently. Do it in your own time and in your way.
    3. Find you a scripture to hold on to throughout the process – There will be days you will want to throw in the towel, as it will get hard. Get a song that will minister to you. It could be your theme song. Find a scripture that will encourage you.
    4. Talk to someone you trust. It may be a pastor, a ministry leader, counselor or friend. Find someone you truly trust and open up to them. Please make sure you trust them.
    5. Forgive – You have been forgiven so you must forgive. You cannot heal or be free if you do not forgive the one that hurt you. When we think about forgiveness we tend to think it is about the one that betrayed us or caused the pain. Forgiveness is more about you than the other person. You free yourself when you forgive.

    Healing after an affair does not happen overnight so please give yourself time. If you allow the process to work and the Lord to heal, you will be able to go back and help that next sister that will cry the same tears you’ve cried. Your testimony is not for you, it is for someone else. Be strong and stay encouraged. I made it and so WILL you!

    To read my full testimony on how I overcame an affair in my marriage purchase,  “So He Cheated, Now What?”