Nicole Cleveland and Breathe Again Magazine

Tag: christian marriage

  • Do I Stay in My Marriage After an Affair?

    Let me start by saying your Christian Marriage can be saved. It is a decision the both of you must make. You cannot save your marriage after an affair alone. Your spouse must be in agreement and willing to go through the process. In my last post, Healing After an Affair I shared 5 steps to assist you with your healing process.

    When conducting workshops or coaching, I always say, “Taking my husband back was the easy part, rebuilding the trust was very hard.” Back then, I wish I had someone that understood what I was feeling and could encourage me by sharing their victorious testimony on how the Lord restored their marriage after an affair.

    Women that want to stay in their marriage after an affair need help from people like myself. I understand what it feels like to have your heart broken by the one you love. I know what it feels like to want to throw in the towel and give up. I know what it feels like to cry a river. Support from your friends and family is a blessing, but to interact with a person that has been where you are is priceless.

    The decision to stay with your spouse is one that only you can make. I encourage you to shut out the noise around you. By noise I mean people in your ear. These are family and friends that mean well, but can be a hindrance during the process.  The choice is yours. Take some time and answer the questions below.

    1. Do you love him /her?
    2. How many years have you invested in your marriage?
    3. Have you forgiven him?
    4. Are you willing to fight for your marriage?
    5. Have you asked him/ her all the questions you need to know?
    6. Do you agree not to throw the affair up in his / her face during arguments?

    The decision to stay in your marriage after an affair is a major choice. Take your time, seek the Lord and pray about it. If you allow the process to work and the Lord to heal, you will be able to go back and help that next sister that will cry the same tears you’ve cried. Your testimony is not for you, it is for someone else. Be strong and stay encouraged. I made it and so WILL you!

    To read my full testimony on how I overcame an affair in my marriage purchase,  “So He Cheated, Now What?”

  • Lord, Increase the Love & Laughter

     

     

     

     

    My husband and I laugh a lot. It is part of the fabric of our relationship. We have been through too much not to. Those that know us always say we should have our own show. ( yes, it’s that serious )

    “Lord, increase the Love and Laughter.”

    This is one of the prayers we prayed when the Lord restored our marriage.

    We prayed this prayer each and everyday. ( and we still do )

    Sounds like a strange request when we had a great deal of serious issues to overcome.

    If you’re always laughing it’s kind of hard to be fighting all the time. If you’re  laughing ,it’s kind of hard to be depressed and sad. We understood that.

    I hate fighting with my husband and he hates fighting with me. It’s like my friend won’t talk to me and that hurts. He is my friend and I am his. ( at times we think I’m his only friend because he is so selective when it comes to people ) We still have our issues but we always come back to one another laughing. One of us does something silly and we end up laughing about it.

    When I look back over our relationship there is a great deal of pain. Pain we don’t want to ever relive.
    We lost time that can never be replaced.

    “Time is more valuable than money.You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.” – Jim Rohn

    Life is too short to not be happy. Don’t waste time fighting with one another.

    Live, Love and Laugh!

    Ask the Lord to increase the love and laughter in your marriage or relationship. Trust me, it works!

     

     

  • Should Maria Shriver Leave Arnold Schwarzenegger?

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    Should she leave or stay?


    Nicole – What do you think Maria Shriver should do?

    Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiki Barber, Tiger Woods, Jesse James , John Edwards, Zachary Tims, Marcus Lamb and the list goes on and on. These are individuals that allowed infidelity to creep in their marriages. Whether they allowed it to sneak in or they just “wanted  to do it ” is a non-issue. It happened now it needs to be dealt with.  Temptation presented itself and these individuals made the choice to say “YES, I want it!”

    It bothers me when individuals say, “it just happened.” Nothing just happens. A person has to think about it at one point or another. After the kiss, after that seductive “look” or the licking of the lips, there is a moment to go the other way or just RUN!  It’s a choice. Whether we believe it to be a good one or a bad one, it is their choice. No one puts a gun to their head and forces sex upon them. They did it! They wanted to do it.

    Because I wrote the book, “So He Cheated, Now What? “ I ‘m always presented with the question,” what should the wife do?” when a high profile couple gets caught. I say gets caught because most individuals don’t come clean and just spill the beans. There are circumstances that lead to the secret being revealed.

    This is my response:

    Each person’s situation is different. My choice was to stay. But that was clearly, my choice. It was my right. I cringe each time I hear so called experts say what they believe the wife should do.

    “take him for everything he’s got “, “divorce his cheating^%*”, “think about the kids”

    It’s easy to say what someone thinks someone else should do with their life. They don’t have to make the decision or live with it.  My heart goes out to Maria and all the Maria’s and Nicole’s out there.

    She is not the first and she won’t be the last. But this is the problem -no matter how many people go through it, when the woman finds out about the infidelity they believe that no one knows how they feel – they think they’re alone.  (even though we know in the back of our minds that this is not true)

    Maria‘s situation is so public. She had no time to process it. Everyone and their cousin are in her business.  Their kids have to ride the wave of shame and embarrassment out in the open. They are tweeting about it and Maria was recently on Oprah celebrating Oprah’s success while her marriage is in shambles. She has to smile, wave and make like all is well, when clearly it is not. My prayer is that she and her family do what is best for them, not the public. I want her to know that she is not alone. Like her situation, a baby was born from the affair my husband had. I knew about the baby in the beginning but that doesn’t matter. Pain is pain and that’s a hurt that’s just unexplainable. I cannot begin to put it into words. In the beginning it feels like your world is caving in and you just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Whether rich or poor, her zip code or my zip code, we all hurt. As women we love hard, but we hurt harder.

    My husband may not be “The Terminator” but his actions and bad choices almost terminated our marriage. God restored our marriage. If he did it for us, he can do it for anyone. But my situation is different; it does not always end like this.

    To all my “Marias” out there – Stand strong and do what is best for you. After you get done yelling, screaming and crying, make sure to Breathe Again…. Laugh Again….Dream  Again and most important – LIVE AGAIN !

    I Love all my “Marias “– You can make it!!

    Nicole Cleveland is the author of “So He Cheated, Now What?” her personal story of overcoming an affair in her marriage. An affair that produced a child. She is the founder of Breathe Again Magazine, ( www.breatheagainmagazine.org ) an online inspirational magazine for women and men that have overcome adversity.  She is an encourager and motivator. She and her husband teach couples how to rebuild,restore and increase the love in their relationship. Visit www.whyshouldistay.com