Tag Archives: Why Should I Stay

Did I Want to Kill Him?


Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Google Images

I get this question an awful lot when doing interviews and when talking to women.

Of course I was angry. Who wouldn’t be.It’s the ultimate betrayal.

There are stages in this infidelity cycle. Like a butterfly must go through stages,overcoming infidelity is in stages, well at least it was for me.

Investigator Stage – Charlies Angels comes to mind and I write an entire chapter in my book, “So He Cheated Now What?” about this. You are snooping through phone records, checking messages, following him ( yes, i did ) and anything else to find out who,what and when. Make sure to ask yourself, can you handle what you may find. If not, stop searching.

Anger Stage – This is when you want to get even. You want nothing but bad things to happen to him. They  hurt you and you want blood. You want them to feel the pain you are feeling.  I don’t care how nice and sanctified you may be, anger creeps in. It might not be for long, but it will arrive.  It’s okay to get angry, you are human. Just don’t do anything irrational or illegal. Murder is still against the law

Hurt Stage – You can go from anger to hurt within days, sometimes hours. At times I would go back and fourth. One day I was angry and the next I couldn’t stop crying.  The pain I felt was a pain that was unexplainable. I literally could feel my heart hurt.( as strange as that may sound ) Link up with someone that understands what you are going through. Do not go at it alone. You can go from hurt to depressed quickly. Talk to someone.

Pity Party Stage – “It’s My Party & I’ll Cry If I Want To !” I want to have my pity party. “Look what he did to me.” You feel sorry for yourself and expect others to feel sorry for you to. Yes, they left or cheated. It is what it is. Do not stay at this stage long. Have your party and keep it moving. You have a right to at least one.

Get It Together Stage – After you have joined Law & Order (investigator ) , taken him off of the insurance and made a scene at his job (anger ). You stayed in the fetal position in your bed for 2 weeks (hurt ) and  thrown a party ( pity party ). Now it is time to shake it off and do you. ( get it together )

You are fearfully and wonderfully made and it’s their loss not yours. In this stage you realize your worth and who you are.

You discover you can not change anyone but yourself and now you must begin to Breathe Again – Dream Again and most important – LIVE  AGAIN !!!


Nicole Cleveland is the author of “So He Cheated, Now What?” her personal story of overcoming an affair in her marriage. An affair that produced a child. She is the founder of Breathe Again Magazine, ( www.breatheagainmagazine.org ) an online inspirational magazine for women and men that have overcome adversity.  She is an encourager and motivator. She and her husband teach couples how to rebuild,restore and increase the love in their relationship. Visit www.whyshouldistay.com