Should she leave or stay?

Nicole – What do you think Maria Shriver should do?

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiki Barber, Tiger Woods, Jesse James , John Edwards, Zachary Tims, Marcus Lamb and the list goes on and on. These are individuals that allowed infidelity to creep in their marriages. Whether they allowed it to sneak in or they just “wanted  to do it ” is a non-issue. It happened now it needs to be dealt with.  Temptation presented itself and these individuals made the choice to say “YES, I want it!”

It bothers me when individuals say, “it just happened.” Nothing just happens. A person has to think about it at one point or another. After the kiss, after that seductive “look” or the licking of the lips, there is a moment to go the other way or just RUN!  It’s a choice. Whether we believe it to be a good one or a bad one, it is their choice. No one puts a gun to their head and forces sex upon them. They did it! They wanted to do it.

Because I wrote the book, “So He Cheated, Now What? “ I ‘m always presented with the question,” what should the wife do?” when a high profile couple gets caught. I say gets caught because most individuals don’t come clean and just spill the beans. There are circumstances that lead to the secret being revealed.

This is my response:

Each person’s situation is different. My choice was to stay. But that was clearly, my choice. It was my right. I cringe each time I hear so called experts say what they believe the wife should do.

“take him for everything he’s got “, “divorce his cheating^%*”, “think about the kids”

It’s easy to say what someone thinks someone else should do with their life. They don’t have to make the decision or live with it.  My heart goes out to Maria and all the Maria’s and Nicole’s out there.

She is not the first and she won’t be the last. But this is the problem -no matter how many people go through it, when the woman finds out about the infidelity they believe that no one knows how they feel – they think they’re alone.  (even though we know in the back of our minds that this is not true)

Maria‘s situation is so public. She had no time to process it. Everyone and their cousin are in her business.  Their kids have to ride the wave of shame and embarrassment out in the open. They are tweeting about it and Maria was recently on Oprah celebrating Oprah’s success while her marriage is in shambles. She has to smile, wave and make like all is well, when clearly it is not. My prayer is that she and her family do what is best for them, not the public. I want her to know that she is not alone. Like her situation, a baby was born from the affair my husband had. I knew about the baby in the beginning but that doesn’t matter. Pain is pain and that’s a hurt that’s just unexplainable. I cannot begin to put it into words. In the beginning it feels like your world is caving in and you just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Whether rich or poor, her zip code or my zip code, we all hurt. As women we love hard, but we hurt harder.

My husband may not be “The Terminator” but his actions and bad choices almost terminated our marriage. God restored our marriage. If he did it for us, he can do it for anyone. But my situation is different; it does not always end like this.

To all my “Marias” out there – Stand strong and do what is best for you. After you get done yelling, screaming and crying, make sure to Breathe Again…. Laugh Again….Dream  Again and most important – LIVE AGAIN !

I Love all my “Marias “– You can make it!!

Nicole Cleveland is the author of “So He Cheated, Now What?” her personal story of overcoming an affair in her marriage. An affair that produced a child. She is the founder of Breathe Again Magazine, ( www.breatheagainmagazine.org ) an online inspirational magazine for women and men that have overcome adversity.  She is an encourager and motivator. She and her husband teach couples how to rebuild,restore and increase the love in their relationship. Visit www.whyshouldistay.com